Breaking Free from the Chains of Self-Doubt

Self-doubt: the biggest hammer that crashes into the wall of self-confidence. Did you know that statistically speaking for every negative thing that is said to a person, it takes eight positive things to counteract it? That's insane, right? It feels like it's impossible to be able to do that.

Now, imagine you grew up in a home and with a family that every other thing they say to you is something negative; comparing you to other family members, telling you that you won't make it far in life because your grades from middle school count towards high school, laughing in your face when you tell them you want to join the Military... You can't imagine how much positivity would be needed to counteract all of that, because that would literally be impossible. The outcome from that would be living a life of self-doubt. Self-doubt is not always just a fleeting hesitation; it can be a relentless force that is deep-seated, ingrained, and even crippling.

For the record, all of the above happened to me growing up. Including the thing about my grades. I didn't know any better at the time, and the family member who said that to me apparently wanted to "push me to do better" in high school, but they didn't know me well enough to realize that telling me that was actually a great way to break me down. Consequently, my hopes of attending my dream college at the time were shattered. This was only one of several reasons I struggled in high school. Most of my struggles were due to undiagnosed mental health and learning issues, and the self-doubt that had been festering since the tender age of five had become deeply ingrained and was a constant presence.

I am going to warn you though that this post is going to be very personal for me; more so than normal. You will read a lot of my thoughts and see my thought process when things get bad. I warn you of this now, because not everyone is comfortable reading about other people's personal experiences. Basically, I'm letting you know now you can either skim or you should not read today's post.

Now, this week is in fact about breaking free from the self-doubt not what it feels like. Personally, I feel like you have to understand how bad it can be, before you can understand how to break free of it. This will not happen overnight! It also will not happen in a matter of weeks. I have been working on my own self-doubt for years, and I still am.

One of the best things to have for someone who has self-doubt is someone who understands what is going on. My partner is wonderful, as he understands that some days, I need a little bit more positivity geared towards me. He is not the only one, as I have a great support system around me both physically and in my online friends. Someone who understands is such a good thing because when things get tough, they can make sure that you are surrounded with positivity. No matter what though, you should be self-aware of your doubt. For instance, on Monday my server for Harry Potter was doing a "petty points day" meaning that the staff was taking house points for any and every little thing. However, if was very few points and it was for fun. The problem was that on Monday I was not in the best frame of mind and knew that anything would trigger my deep self-doubt and send me spiraling. No matter what you are told: this is a good thing! Being aware of your negative mental health and knowing how to circumvent it is actually one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Outside having a good support system, you should also feel free to be a positive support to yourself as well. What does this mean? It means to talk nicely to yourself and celebrate when you achieve something. It can be something as little as "I made my bed today" or something as big as "I got that job"; celebrating anything and everything in between. This goes hand-in-hand with setting achievable goals with a realistic timeline. Sometimes when you have deep self-doubt or severe depression, you have to set small goals for yourself. Say it's Thursday and you need to get food. Saying, "I will have the grocery shopping done no later than Saturday at 3pm" is realistic. It gives you time in case something comes up, but it also has a short time frame to make sure that you don't make a million reasons to not have done it. Then, celebrate the fact that you did it.

Something that no one mentions when you have self-doubt, is how hard it is to stay positive in the face of failure. The reason for this is because self-doubt is stemmed from hearing nothing but negativity. When you hear so much negativity, "you can do better than that" or "why can't you be like so-and-so", it's not easy to accept failure. Actually, correction: it's very easy to accept the failure, it just hurts so much more than it should. You will beat yourself up longer than most people, you will over analyze everything you did and try to figure out what you did wrong. I have had a lot going on lately and every time I hear that I failed at something my self-doubt shoots up, my confidence down, and I just rip on myself at every go. "What if I had done this?" "What if I had done that instead?" It just never stops! Now you're in an endless circle, and everything that you do is going to fail. It is okay to fail, and then analyze what you did; but once you realize that you did everything right or everything that you could, the next step is accepting that the failure was going to happen regardless. Once you can accept that, then you can tell yourself that you did your best and celebrate that fact. Post sticky notes all over with positive notes to yourself! "You can do this!" "Today is a good day!" "You're a winner!"

The last thing I want to address is that you need to take care of yourself. Even if your self-doubt has come down hard, you have to keep up your health. Self-doubt is just as bad as depression or anxiety and can mess with your physical health as well as your emotional health. Talk to your doctor or seek alternative professional help. This can include calling a national help line who can help you get in contact with those professionals. As we have readers from all over, I will be providing a list of multiple international numbers at the end. We may not know you, but we see you.

Breaking free of self-doubt is not easy, but with the right support and talking positively to yourself, you will disintegrate the chains a little more each day. If for any reason your self-doubt takes a negative turn and you feel like you can't pull yourself out, I implore you to please reach out for help; even if it is calling one of these numbers: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA):

Call: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

Website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Crisis Text Line (USA):

Text "HELLO" to 741741

Website: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Samaritans (UK and Ireland):

Call: 116 123 (UK and Ireland)

Website: https://www.samaritans.org/

Befrienders Worldwide (Global):

Find a helpline in your country: https://www.befrienders.org/

Lifeline (Australia):

Call: 13 11 14

Website: https://www.lifeline.org.au/

Canadian Crisis Hotline (Canada):

Call: 1-833-456-4566

Website: https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/

Helplines Network SA (South Africa):

Call: 0861 322 322

Website: http://www.helplines.org.za/

India: AASRA (India):

Call: 91-9820466726

Website: http://www.aasra.info/

This has been a very deep post today. A little late, but still here. That's my positive for today. What is yours? As always, stay safe and stay hydrated my friends!